When the ones we love don't understand
Kids are going back to school, vacations are over, schedules are back to normal or doubled down which means the holiday's are right around the corner. It also means a time of deep reflection for many of us as we creep towards year end and start to look at the things we've accomplished (or didn't), family dynamics and the things that come up with around the holiday's, and we prepare to step into a brand new year changed by the lessons we learned in 2018.
And with each season, like clockwork, comes change.
But what about when we have to make changes and decisions without the support of our loved ones?
You know, when it's time to make a decision yet you feel stuck, hesitant or unsure how to do it without stirring the pot. Sometimes they're the smaller decisions like wanting to take time off to do something for ourselves and other times it's the bigger ones like taking our passion to the next level, switching careers or maybe even leaving a relationship.
Our heart says one thing yet we fear that our decision might disappoint or hurt someone we love. From our past experiences, we know the shitstorm on the horizon because they've made it clear that they don't understand or just can't be supportive in the way we'd like it the most, leaving us to work through feelings of guilt or shame or maybe even abandonment on top of trying to make this big decision.
Yes, there's tons of inspirational and motivational talk about not caring what others think but let's be honest, it's human social and emotional conditioning to want those we love the most- our parents, our friends, our partners- to 'get us.' To understand our decisions, to cheer us on and encourage us, to be there celebrating with us at 'the top' of whatever mountain it is that we've determined we need to climb.
But here's the thing…
trying to manage everyone else's happiness will end up robbing us of our own.
So in those moments when the season has shifted and I'm feeling especially torn making decisions or envisioning what's next, I remind myself (and you) to take the emotion and charge out of the decision making process.
By looking at the situation and making my choices like I would if I were making them for someone else. What would Beyonce do? What would Oprah do? What's the best decision from this perspective? When we make decisions for others, especially the big ones, we're more likely to consider the risks, the resources, the outcomes we may not have taken into account if we were doing it for ourselves.
#journalprompt Is there a decision you need to make around something that's a charged, triggering or emotion filled subject? Who are you afraid of disappointing and how is it affecting your decision making?
Ultimately, the only person in charge of your life and your happiness is you.