Having It All Together
There was a time in my life when I thought I had to have my shit together to be worthy enough to contribute anything meaningful. In order for my thoughts and opinions to be spoken, in order for me to be able to coach others, in order for me to be able to talk about transforming trauma, in order for me to be able to ask for what I wanted, in order for me to be able to take the next step, I had to be good enough.
What was good enough? Good enough is a make believe land where all the i's need to be crossed, the boxes need to be checked, there needed to be a certain skill set, and "expert" status reached. Thinking that I needed to have my shit together caused me to not only shrink myself, but to miss out on the opportunity to walk in my truth, to miss out on supporting others when they needed it most because I was too busy sitting in doubt and it caused me to show up less than I was.
What I've learned over the years is that no one really has all of their shit together all of the time and two of the biggest ways we hold ourselves back is with the limitations we place on ourselves and the stories we live by. Thinking that once we’ve reached a certain point we’ll be transformed enough so that the person we were no longer exist and we can finally step into our wholeness.
Here’s the problem with that logic. Learning new skills, learning new ways of being or coping, learning how to communicate more effectively, learning how to co-exist in an environment that was once a trigger for us, learning how to be the (fill in the blank) that we never had... aren’t stages in our growth that move us from here to there, they’re ranges. They’re ranges that give us access to MORE... more skills, tools, resources, knowledge and education but by no means do they define “having it together.” In one moment, we might access our new skills, and in a another moment we may revert back and access the skills we used when we were five. All versions of ourselves are valid.
We don’t have to arrive or get to a certain place before we can show up and give what we have to offer. We don’t have to have letters in front of or behind our names. We don’t have to have all the answers for all the scenarios. We don’t have to know all the acronyms. We don’t have to be void of mistakes. We don’t have to be the expert. We don’t have to negate our growth just because the five year old in us comes out sometimes. We don’t have to “arrive.” We CAN show up as we are in this moment in our wholeness and without our shit together and still make a worthy and meaningful contribution.
Share your thoughts in the comments section below, what’s your experience with allowing yourself to arrive even without having all your shit together?